Fighting demons

Dreams are really revealing.

The other night I was dreaming of fighting demons- local demons; saw myself getting hurt; bloodied, etc. It could pretty become a nightmare except I did not have that fast heartbeat or coldsweat. Normally, I would fight a bad dream and make it pleasant. Not this one. I fought it out with the devils.

The dream dictionary said demons represent your negativities or inner turmoils. Must be.

Iced

When I feel confused and giving up:


The Sojourn Of Arjuna
Victor Wooten

So Arjuna and Krishna you know they're hanging out on the battlefield
Arjuna is like tired of war, he's trying to get out of this battle
so Krishna drops a little science on him,
he says you know it's the way ofspiritual growth
a man must go forth from where he stands
he cannot jump to the absolute, he must evolve toward it

Krishna says at any given moment in time we are what we are
Arjuna we have to accept the consequences of being ourselves
and only through this acceptance can we begin to evolve further
we may select the battleground but we cannot avoid the battle

so Krishna tells Arjuna it follows therefore that every action under certain circumstances
and for certain people may actually be a stepping stone to spiritual growth
Arjuna is to do the best he knows in order to pass beyond that best to better how can we prescribe our neighbors to be perfectwhen it is so hard to know our own heart
the pacifist must respect ArjunaArjuna must respect the pacifist.

both are going toward the same goal if they are really sincere
there's an underlying solidarity between them which can be expressed
each one follows without compromise the path upon which he finds himself for we can only help others to do their dutyby doing what we ourselves believe to be right
it is the one supremely social act.

so Kirshna's reply to Arjuna occupies the rest of the storyit deals not only with Arjuna's immediate personal problem
but the whole nature of action the meaning of life and the aims for which man must struggle here on earth
at the end of the conversation Arjuna has changed his mindhe's ready to fight, he's ready to go ahead on it is the way of spiritual growt
ha man must go forward from where he stands
he cannot jump to the absolute and the battle begins...

Flying

I had a wonderful dream. I dreamt I was flying.

I with a group of my students could fly. Just like Peter Pan, because WE BELIEVE we can.

Because we could fly we wowed a lot of people and could perform dances and songs while flying in a crowded room. There was even an element of senior "Artistas" there and there wore their vintage clothes.

It was a woderful dream. It was wonderful being able to fly.

Staying Afloat

Taken last year? Rafting in Villa Escudero. Have several pictures rowing- the objective was to row yourself to a certain destination, staying afloat and not getting wet. If you get wet, you have a choice whether to get angry or enjoy the cold water while waiting yourself to dry. :)

Pain

I was watching Spoon last night and it was a compilation of different sentimental episodes. The episode of Ali Sotto talking about losing a son hit me. Gee, I would never be able to experience such or even experience losing a husband. Am I lucky?

Deep in side I had a deep sense of longing associated with never finding a partner in life. Is it the same pain? Which one is more painful?

Geez, they would also not be able to emphatize with that deep sense of longing or probably lonliness. It is lingering. No matter how you have accepted it that I may be forever single there is a pinch that you feel from time to time.

So I guess pain is not relative- it has no degree. Pain is pain. There is no such thing as my life is more painful than yours or my experience is more devasting than yours.

So what does it mean? It means being careful not to hurt anybody.

Easter morning

Woke by hearing faint sounds of paputok. What day is it today? New Year? No. Chinese new year? No.
Remembered, yes, it is the Easter morn. Quite early for a salubong. 1:30 am. Salubongs are usually at 3 am. Of well... wanted to rise by my body was so stiff.
Easter. A new life. Yes, and probably time for a new blog.
Since October till now life was a blur but there was joy in my heart. The confusion will forever be there- confusion- for decisions that I have that may be life changing. But more importantly the joy in my heart was there. There is so much to change, too, for the better. So easter may be a good change to make those resolutions that you missed making lat New Year.
But come to think of it, change is in every step and action that you take. In every move you make. each action will affect myself or another person. Much like driving. How many times your ego gets pricked by other drivers so you speed up or try to outdo the other vehicle. It really takes a lot of self control to focus on the road and driving to your destination.
Hmmmm. maybe this should be my easter resolution to be sure that each action I take affects people for the better.
Difficult. Like waking up easter morning with a stiff body but still you have to wake up anyhow.